Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
