Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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