well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize