Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
