So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
