Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
