i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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