Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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