She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize