I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
