She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
