i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize