I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
