She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
