And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
