yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
