so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
