I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
