I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
