oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
