I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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