so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
