Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
