Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
