Need sex. Gaining weight.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
