TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
