...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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