remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
