So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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