he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
