It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
