sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
