She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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