True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
