Apparently you make a good broom.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
