Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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