i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize