I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
