question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
