Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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