he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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