I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
