this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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