I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
