im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
