so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
