I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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