I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
