Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
