I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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