Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Randomize
