i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
