Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
