Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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