it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
