Too much gin, very little bucket
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I had to cum in my sink.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
