Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
