none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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