I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
