Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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