Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
