Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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