If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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