Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize