You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
