I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
