fuck your aforementioned shoe
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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