I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
